Negotiating Business Deals: 10 Lessons From 30 Years on the Bank Side of the Desk

Most of the negotiations I’ve sat in over 30+ years in banking and home lending didn’t look like negotiations at all. They were a client and a lender working out a rate, a fee or a settlement date, or a lending team I led in the ACT, Illawarra or Riverina working out how to keep a referral partner sending us business. The ones that went well rarely had a winner. They had two sides who could both live with the result, and came back next time.

While many people view negotiation as a battlefield where one side must lose for the other to win, the most effective business leaders treat it as a collaborative problem-solving exercise. When you shift your mindset from “winning an argument” to “building a sustainable agreement,” the entire process becomes smoother, faster, and far more rewarding.

1. Preparation is Your Greatest Lever

Before you even step into a meeting room, you must define your boundaries. Research the market, understand your counterpart’s pain points, and clearly identify your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Knowing what you will do if the deal falls through gives you the confidence to remain calm and composed. When you are prepared, you aren’t just reacting to the other party; you are steering the conversation toward a goal you have already mapped out.

2. Listening Wins More Deals Than Persuading

Novice negotiators often spend their time thinking about what they will say next. Expert negotiators, however, listen to understand. When you practice active listening, you pick up on subtle cues, emotional triggers, and underlying priorities that your counterpart might not explicitly state. By mirroring their language and summarising their concerns, you build rapport and ensure that both parties feel heard, which is essential for breaking deadlocks.

3. Be Soft on the People and Hard on the Problem

Implementing a structured approach is the backbone of professional deal-making. To achieve consistent results, focus on separating the people from the problem. This technique, popularized by the Harvard Negotiation Project, allows you to be “soft on the people but hard on the problem.” By removing ego from the equation, you prevent personal clashes from derailing a potentially lucrative partnership. Focus on the facts and the shared goal rather than defending your position as an identity.

4. Open Questions Reveal the Real Constraint

Instead of pushing your own narrative, ask questions that force the other party to reveal their constraints. Phrases like “How would that impact your timeline?” or “What would it take to make this work for your team?” encourage the other side to share their logic. This puts them in a problem-solving state of mind rather than a defensive one. When they arrive at a solution themselves, they are much more likely to support it.

5. Silence Does More Work Than Another Justification

Silence is an incredibly powerful tool that most people are terrified to use. After you make an offer or pose a difficult question, stop talking. Let the air sit. Many negotiators feel the urge to fill the silence, often by conceding points or offering unnecessary justifications for their position. By holding your ground and staying quiet, you create pressure for the other person to respond, often leading to them revealing more information or offering a better deal to break the tension.

6. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

A position is what a person says they want; an interest is the underlying reason why they want it. On a lending desk, a client asking for a lower rate is often really worried about the monthly repayment on a tight budget. Once you know that, there may be other things worth discussing — an offset account, a different loan term, or splitting the loan — rather than a rate the bank can’t offer. Finding these “tradeables” allows you to satisfy their interests without compromising your core value.

7. Build Value Before You Discuss Price

Never lead with price. Price is a reflection of value, and if you haven’t established the value of your services or product, every dollar will feel like an expense to the client. Walk them through what the loan actually does for them — the features they’ll use, how quickly you can get to approval, and who they’ll deal with when their situation changes. By the time you discuss the numbers, the price should be a logical consequence of the value provided rather than an arbitrary figure to haggle over.

8. Objective Criteria Take the Ego Out of a Number

When a negotiation stalls on a specific number, introduce objective criteria. Use market data, industry benchmarks, or historical precedent to justify your position. When you move the debate from “I want X” to “The market standard for this is Y,” you remove the subjective nature of the disagreement. It is much harder to argue with verifiable data than it is to argue with a personal opinion.

9. Deals Are Still Made Between People

Even across a lending desk, deals are made between human beings. Recognizing the emotional state of your counterpart—whether they are stressed, rushed, or feeling pressure from their own stakeholders—allows you to adjust your tone accordingly. Empathy is not a sign of weakness; it is a tool for influence. When you demonstrate that you respect the other party’s position and pressures, you create a layer of trust that makes them more willing to accommodate your needs.

10. A Deal Isn’t Done Until It’s in Writing

The final stage of any negotiation is the agreement itself. Never leave the table with vague promises or “handshake” understandings. Clearly articulate the terms, the deliverables, and the timelines in writing. Ensuring that both sides have a shared definition of success prevents future conflicts and cements the relationship, setting the stage for long-term partnerships and repeat business.

Written by Michael Wignall, who’s spent 30+ years in banking and home lending across the ACT, Illawarra, and Riverina regions of NSW.

More on this topic is collected in the Leadership & Productivity Hub.

Related Reading

• What Actually Works in Modern Sales — building value before you get to the negotiating table
• Why Emotional Intelligence Outperforms IQ in Sales Coaching — a deeper look at the EI skills point 9 touches on
• How to Buy a House in Australia: A First-Timer’s Step-by-Step Guide — these same negotiation principles applied to buying a home

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Written by Michael Wignall, Lending Area Manager with 30+ years in banking and home lending across the ACT, Illawarra, and Riverina. Got a question or an idea for a post? Get in touch.